By definition, flirting is a social activity involving verbal communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. It is a way of making indirect or suggestive advances. We usually think of flirting as something a single person does to let another single person know they are interested but flirting is just as important in a long-term relationship.
Attraction is essential in not only finding but keeping love and passion in a relationship. Flirting is one of my favorite ways to fuel the fire of attraction.
How do you flirt? Is it something you are comfortable doing?
Flirting is a great way to get into your feminine or masculine energy which is very attractive to the opposite sex. Remember, the polarity between masculine and feminine energy is what draws us to each other and causes the sparks to fly. Flirting makes you feel alive and is fun!
What I find in my coaching business is that flirting is an art many people have forgotten about or are uncomfortable with. My goal in today’s blog is to give you some ideas that will spark your interest and get you out there flirting again.
Flirting for singles (but not exclusively for singles)
- Flirting can be as simple as catching someone’s eye and smiling, lingering there a bit longer than you usually would and then look away. Then say” hello” and start up a simple conversation.
- Keep the conversation positive and be happy. Smile and have fun.
- Make direct eye contact. Look at their face and when they seem excited about something they are talking about; ask more questions. Give them your full attention.
- Look for opportunities to compliment them.
- Be confident but not overly confident. You don’t have to tell them all about yourself or all the things you have accomplished. Just feeling good about yourself makes you attractive.
- Tease them a bit but be careful not to go overboard. The more you know the person, the more you can use this approach.
- Casually touch the other person’s arm or hand. Linger there for a moment more than you normally would.
- When flirting, remember to act like a lady or a gentleman or it is not seen as flirting and will have the opposite effect. It might chase the other person away instead of drawing them closer. OR it will get you the wrong kind of attention. Remember, flirting is subtler in nature.
- Mimic their body language.
- Relax, stop worrying about the outcome and just have fun!
Flirting in long term relationships or marriages is very important. It helps to keep the relationship alive. When the relationship is no longer new and the Romantic Stage ends, the “feel good” hormones start to decrease. We get more comfortable with our relationship and with each other. This has benefits but it also can lead to a decrease in our desire for intimacy with our partner. Intimacy takes a back seat, playfulness decreases, and we focus on other things. We can start to take the relationship and each other for granted. We stop “dating” each other. We don’t put as much effort into the relationship. We may feel like we no longer need to flirt but the opposite is true.
Flirting can trigger those “feel good” hormones that we had in the beginning of the relationship. It is important to remember why we fell in love in the first place. Men who are not flirted with are not as happy. Men need to be happy in a relationship to want to stay. Ladies, this is a great way to show your guy how much you care about him and how much you desire him! Guys, flirt with her to convey that you would chose her again as your partner and that you still find her attractive and sexy. This is so important in creating an unstoppable relationship! It will have the added benefit of making you both feel more alive and it is fun! We need this kind of fun and playfulness in our relationships.
Flirting with your partner can a look a little different than when you first met. It can be more overt and risqué. Feel free to flirt in any way that you and your partner are both comfortable with.
Flirting for couples
- Smile and look at your partner with that “look” that says, “I want you; you are mine.”
- Use lingering touch, but this can be more risqué than when you are dating.
- A kiss hello or good-bye but instead of a quick kiss, make it a lingering one.
- Comment on how nice your partner looks.
- Tease them but make sure they are enjoying it as well. Be careful not to go overboard.
- Text them during the day to build anticipation and let them know what you have on your mind. This can be as subtle or as obvious as you both are comfortable with.
These are just a few suggestions. I am sure you can come up with more. Remember, flirting can lead to a more passionate and intimate relationship.
What are your favorite ways to flirt?
Lori Ann Davis, MA,CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist