Online dating is responsible for the beginning of many relationships now; this can accelerate the process of dating. Relationships need time to go through the different stages of development, allowing the couple to process and work through important issues. It is prudent to slow down and allow this natural course to take place, and give the relationship time to grow, develop and mature. By recognizing the normal stages of dating, couples are more likely to navigate the process successfully. According to relationship expert, John Gray, those stages are as follows:
Stage 1: Attraction
The initial attraction begins the process of dating. We are initially attracted by physical attributes, and often by other traits, such as personality. People sometimes refer to this as chemistry. It is a time of hormonal changes that frequently result in a feeling of giddiness that often accompanies mutual attraction. For some people this stage is intense and for others it is less so.
Stage 2: Uncertainty
After dating for a while, it is natural to begin thinking about whether this is a person you want to continue dating. The uncertainty is a normal part of the process. It does not mean that it is not a good match – only that you are determining if the fit is right. Don’t be discouraged or react too quickly when this happens. It is to be expected. Your partner will likely experience the same thing, but not always at the same time. Men may take longer to resolve this stage, so if you partner is pulling away or acting differently, talk about it openly. When s/he says “I need more time” it is often related to this process. Talk about it – communication is the most important skill for couples.
Stage 3: Exclusivity
When both partners have determined that the relationship is the right one, they generally decide to date each other exclusively. This is a time for developing a deeper relationship. The energy that went into finding the right person is now directed toward building a meaningful relationship. It is important to continue to do the little things that mean so much to your partner – those things keep relationships moving forward.
Stage 4: Intimacy
This stage involves a time to build trust and let down your guards. People get to know each other intimately, both the good and bad. Men sometimes pull away when they feel close to their partner. Gray believes that men become saturated with love and affection, and pull away temporarily until their need returns. He uses the analogy of eating until satiated, pulling away for a period and then returning when the hunger returns. Women, according to Gray, tend to want more and usually do not experience the need to withdraw. In fact, many of the problems that couples experience are due to this fundamental difference in relating. If you understand this pattern, and discuss your needs and desires openly, this stage may be less troubling.
Stage 5: Engagement
The final stage of dating is engagement. At this point, both partners are committed to a long-term relationship. Issues about how each partner relates to the other have been worked out and a mutually satisfying relationship established. The couple vows to be together permanently, whether through marriage or other commitment.
Each stage has its benefits and difficulties. It is important to go through all the stages and not skip steps! Taking the time to get to know each other and working through issues that arise leads to a stronger bond and a relationship that has the potential to last.
Lori Ann Davis, MA
Certified Relationship Coach
www.LoriAnnDavis.com