Are you frustrated because you haven’t found your soulmate or even someone you would consider having a relationship with? Do you find yourself doing the same things and expecting to get different results? Or even worse, are you doing nothing and wondering why you haven’t met that someone special? The rules for dating have changes and most singles don’t have any idea how to navigate today’s complicated dating world. Maybe it is time for something different?
Radical Dating is about breaking through barriers to finding lasting love. It involves learning a specific mindset, dating strategies, self-discovery, life choices, understanding of relationships and the basic skills needed for successful dating. It requires singles to get out of their comfort zone and try new things. This isn’t always easy and can be downright scary.
It means learning what your roadblocks and barriers are that get in your way. You aren’t single because there are no eligible men/women. No matter what your friends say. You are single because you need to do something different than what you have tried that isn’t working. Getting out of your comfort zone and doing new radical things isn’t easy for most people. You might not even know where to start or what is holding you back.
Radical Dating TV Show
You are no different than the singles on the Radical Dating show. They had fears, resistance, roadblocks, and struggles along the way that they had to overcome. My client, Wendy, had her share of struggles and roadblocks along the way. She is very good with doing the academic exercises. She is a college professor and staying in her head comes easy for her. One of her struggles was getting out of her head to date more from her heart. This requires a certain degree of vulnerability that is scary for a lot of people, Wendy included. We worked on more spontaneity and taping into her feminine energy. We had a fun shopping trip where we asked her to try on clothes that she would never have picked for herself. We worked on breaking down barriers so she could feel comfortable with being a beautiful woman who could attract a man’s attention and enjoy it. Like most of us, she had some past experiences and hurts to get over in order to be ready for a new relationship. If you haven’t watched Wendy’s journey on Radical Dating, now is the perfect time!
Why do we have these barriers in the first place?
Sometimes what is holding you back is the past. Do you find yourself comparing everyone you date to a past partner? Did a past relationship leave you with beliefs about men or women that are not positive? How often do you find yourself thinking about an ex?
Everyone comes into relationships with a past. This past can bring with it unresolved issues that can affect the health of current relationships. This past might include your family of origin or previous intimate relationships. I do not think anyone is free from some kind of past hurt in regard to relationships. These past experiences can cause negative thoughts and beliefs. Failed relationships can provide important lessons, and those lessons are gifts if we choose to receive them. Have you learned from your past and moved forward, or do you have some thoughts and beliefs that you are carrying with you that do not serve you well?
Are you able and willing to move forward?
Fear of Rejection or Failure
I know it can be hard to put yourself out there and not succeed. You might be afraid that you just aren’t good enough, that you don’t have something it takes to attract the right man or woman. Some singles are afraid of being judged. No one wants to be rejected. Some singles play it safe and protect themselves by not even trying. Let’s face it, if you put yourself out there, you are going to be rejected by some and accepted by some you choose to reject, until you find the right one for you.
Here is the key, rejection only hurts as much as you allow it to. Being rejected hurts because you give it meaning. Letting go of expectations lessens the chances of being hurt. Go on a date and just be curious about the other person. Enjoy getting to know them and put less pressure on this being “the one.” If it doesn’t work out, you have the power to choose how you interpret the situation. This person barely knows you so don’t give them the power to hurt you.
The best attitude is one of confidence. Know what you have to offer in a relationship. Know your worth. If the person you go out with doesn’t see that, they were not someone you would ultimately choose anyway.
Resistance to letting go
Are you resistant to change, to letting go of the way things are? Some people are so attached to their story that they cannot see another possibility. I hear statements like, “This is just the way dating is these days.” or “This is just how men/women are now.” Meaning that the past experiences are the only options. Then they find friends who will agree with them and support them in their story. You have to be willing to let go of your story and admit that there are other options. Yes, this has been your reality so far, but it is not the only possibility for the future. What if you were open to new possibilities? Remember the Law of Attraction brings to you what you focus on. It might be time to dream a new dream that serves you better. It might be time to break free of your story and write a new one. The first step is always being willing to change. Realize you are in a pattern that needs to be broken and then be willing to stop into new territory. What story do you need to tell now in order to get a different result? Make it a story of optimism and possibilities. A story with a happy ending. Tell a story of who and what can be not what has been.
Do something radical
This might be a good time to expand your horizons. Instead of just dating, go out every day looking and feeling your best! You never know who you might meet. Talk to people everywhere you go. Get out more. Join a new group or spend time at the coffee shop, bookstore or gym, or join an online dating site. Get together with friends and have fun. Maybe invite friends over to your house or meet at your favorite place. Instead of just meeting the same people, invite new people to join you. You never know when the right one might be there or might know someone to introduce you to. Remember to flirt and have fun, even if the person you are talking to isn’t someone you want to date. Don’t take things too seriously. Get to know more people as friends. Sometimes as you get to know someone better, all of a sudden you see them in a different light.
While you are waiting for Mr. or Miss Right to come along, create a life you love. Take this time to figure out what you really are looking for in a relationship. Someone who is happy and passionate about life is the most attractive and alluring person in the group. You will stand out among the rest. This is the best way to attract someone into your life.
Love is challenging enough to find and keep without self-defeating thoughts and behaviors getting in your way. Many people are their own worst enemy without even realizing what they are doing. Remember, your thoughts and beliefs create your reality. So, if you are not seeing what you want in your life or in your relationships, it might be time to get help. You may be sabotaging your chances at love without even realizing it. It is time to uncover, intercept, and replace beliefs and behaviors so you can find and keep love in your life.
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist