Men and women are different! I am sure this comes as no surprise to you. Just how different and why we are different may surprise you. We know we act and think differently; yet, we still get frustrated with each other and sometimes angry because the opposite sex does not act like we expect or want them to. We may be frustrated because we can’t figure out what to do to make them happy, and we don’t understand what we are doing wrong.
Women tend to feel unloved when they are misunderstood, and men feel disrespected. If you are dating, you may wonder why you can’t connect with the opposite sex to find the partner you desire. As frustrating as these differences may be, it is the differences that create the attraction and passion in relationships. The key is to understand each other and learn to appreciate the differences. It is time to break the cycle of blame and learn to appreciate instead of criticize.
Our differences really do start in our brain. There are actual physical differences in brain structure and development that affect how men and women think and communicate. Male and female brains show differences even in utero. They are washed with hormones that start the process by which our brains develop male and female tendencies. The washing of testosterone for males drives the assertive, problem solving, and competitive characteristics of men. From an evolutionary standpoint, men are programmed to be less social and to compete in order to reproduce and pass on their genes.
The female brain is washed in estrogen, which leads to more social behavior, more emotions, and more language skills. From an evolutionary standpoint, women banded together for safety to raise children. They learned to communicate as a way to stay safe and connected.
The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that connects the two hemispheres, is thicker in women enabling them to use both sides of the brain at the same time. The testosterone wash that occurs in male fetuses actually dissolves portions of the connections. This may explain why men are more able to compartmentalize areas of life and focus on one thing at a time while women tend to connect everything.
More importantly, how do these brain differences affect us in relationships? This is what I will be spending 2017 helping you understand. Here are a few for starters: (Yes, I do understand that these are generalizations and there are exceptions.)
- Emotionally
Women crave a deeper level of emotional connection. We want to be understood and heard. Men want to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they do.
- Problem Solving
Women problem solve verbally by talking and connecting with others. Men deal with problems internally. They will pull inward and until they have a solution.
- Communication
Men prefer more direct communication about one subject at a time. Women move from thought to thought much easier. Ladies, have you ever been talking to a man and his eyes glaze over? It may not be that he isn’t interested in what you have to say, he is just not following your thought pattern.
- Sex
We can’t leave out sex. Women have a sex drive that ebbs and flows and is stimulated more by romance, touch, and conversation. Men’s sex drive is more consistent and is stimulated more by sight. Men connect emotionally through sex and women want to feel emotionally connected before sex.
As you can see, we have good reason to be different and these differences can cause lots of frustration and misunderstandings. We are different; not better or worse. Instead of trying to change each other, make 2017 the year you learn to understand more about how the opposite sex thinks and what they need in a relationship, so you can move forward and create not only good but amazing relationships.
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Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist
www.LoriAnnDavis.com