We have now discussed the first three keys to having an unstoppable relationship. You have learned the importance of making your relationship a priority. You have also learned that communication is one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship. And, you now know that accepting each others differences is not only important for a great relationship but can be key to keeping the fire going. So, now we can move on to the really fun part, intimacy! You simply cannot have an unstoppable relationship without passion and intimacy as an essential component. After all, intimacy is what defines your relationship as “intimate” rather than just a friendship!
Intimacy may be easy in the beginning of the relationship. When we are in the romantic phase, our bodies are full of those “feel good” hormones; however, once we have been in a relationship for a period of time, those hormones may decrease. This is natural and expected as you become more comfortable with each other. It is at this point in a relationship that we may need to create the passion!
In the beginning, it is the differences between us and the unknown that creates the spark. Eventually, love develops, and we learn more about each other. This makes us more comfortable and there may be less passion. Many people do not believe that relationships can maintain with love and passion. They believe that this naturally fades and there is nothing they can do about it. The truth is just the opposite. Relationships die without love and passion. We become frustrated with each other, resentful and start focusing on the things we do not like about our partner instead of what we do like. So, we need to create passion with intention!
One way we do this is to tap into the masculine and feminine energy we all possess. For men, this means taking the initiative and for women it means being open to receiving, being soft and feminine. Men are assertive when they are in their masculine energy, and they feel powerful like they can accomplish anything! Women are tapping into feminine energy when they are feeling emotional and soft and loving.
Just like in other areas, men and women are different in this area as well. For women, intimacy starts in the heart; she needs to feel wanted. Attention is an aphrodisiac for women. Women feel safe and secure in the relationship when it is full of passion and love. For men, intimacy affects all areas of his life. When he feels desired and wanted in the relationship, he is more confident in all areas of his life. He feels like superman. This is not optional in the relationship, it is essential! It is a gift we give our partner and ourselves. Couples who make passion a priority in their relationship have more appreciation for each other, more patience, they focus on the positive, and are more forgiving with each other.
We cannot wait for the right time to add this to our busy lives. We need to create passion with intention, or it gets pushed to the side. We can do this by flirting with each other and being playful. This is the one area of your life where it can be all fun. Make it a priority to share some playfulness and fun daily with your partner. It doesn’t take much time to send a flirty text in the middle of the day or tell your partner how beautiful/handsome and sexy you think they are. Tell them how you feel about them, often. Instead of a quick hug and kiss, try a 10 second kiss and a long lingering hug and see how the hormones start to flow. Don’t save this for when you are initiating sex; do it in the morning so you can be anticipating your evening together. Find ways to be physically affectionate every day.
There are many different ways to add intimacy back into your relationship or make it a priority. Just have fun and be creative. Use fun ways of communicating to add intimate moments to your everyday routine. Write small love notes or send fun texts. And, remember that men and women are different in every aspect of the relationship including intimacy. Use those differences to your advantage when flirting. Guys, give her the attention she deserves, and ladies, let your guy take the lead and pursue you. The important part of intimacy is to make it a priority just like the other keys to an unstoppable relationship. Every relationship takes effort, but it can become easier and successful by making each other a priority!
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist