Dating can be a nerve racking experience. You put yourself out there; open yourself up to possible rejection or heartbreak hoping you will find that one special person to create a lifelong relationship with. We do all of this because ultimately most people want to share a life with loving partner.
Dating with a lack of confidence can trap you in a bad relationship or sabotage a new one. Lack of confidence opens you up to ignoring red flags, trying too hard, being disappointed, or hurt. Dating with confidence increases your chances of being successful. Confidence is attractive to the opposite sex.
When you date worrying about being chosen, liked, or approved of, you are not at your best. I want you to have an attitude of being the chooser, knowing what you have to offer in a relationship and feeling confident about yourself. I make all my clients create a list of what makes them special and what they have to offer in a relationship. I ask them to review this list often, especially before a date. Now dating is about finding someone who is the right match for you. This is a very different attitude than dating hoping to be chosen.
So how do you increase your dating confidence?
It starts with a shift in your mindset. Begin by becoming aware of your expectations. Are you putting too much pressure on one date or one person? The goal is a happy relationship and it really doesn’t matter whether this one date or person leads to that. There are a lot of people out there and if you continue to try; you will ultimately find the right one.
Go on dates with an attitude of curiosity and interest. Decide to enjoy yourself no matter what happens. Learn something about the other person with no expectations of more. This allows you to be fully present and able to enjoy the moment. Give the person a chance without making judgements too quickly. Some people take longer to get to know than others.
Be ok with failure as there really is no failure, just learning experiences. Know that if this one date or relationship doesn’t work out, it is probably because they were not a good match for you to start with. Don’t take it personally.
Practical tips for boosting your confidence before a date.
How you feel about yourself on the outside can affect how you feel on the inside. Do you feel you look your best? I am not suggesting you must look a certain way or even look exactly the way you would like. Most of us have a few things about ourselves we would like to improve. For example, don’t put off dating until you lose all the weight you want. This isn’t necessary. What about getting a makeover. How about a new hairstyle, a trip to the makeup counter, or a new outfit that makes you feel amazing.
Consider having a few outfits that you keep in one section of your closet. These are your date night outfits that you feel confident wearing. Take your time before a date to look your best so you feel good when you leave the house.
The day or night of the date, give yourself plenty time to get ready and get to the location early. Take time to prepare mentally and physically for the date. Feeling rushed or running late will only add to feeling nervous.
While sitting in your car, or even while you are getting ready at home, take time for some deep breathing and positive affirmations. This is a good time to go over that list you made of what makes you special and what you have to offer in a relationship. Now when you meet your date, you are feeling your best physically and mentally. Then relax and enjoy.
Feel free to contact me or use this link to set up a time to talk.
https://my.timetrade.com/book/X6FJ2
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Blessings,
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist