We all want and deserve to be part of satisfying and healthy relationships. This can include relationships with partners, parents, co-workers, or friends.
How do you know if your relationships are healthy ones? What is the difference between healthy and toxic relationships? Sometimes toxic relationships start from childhood and we have been part of them for so long we cannot recognize them.
The first step is to be able to identify toxic relationships.
A toxic relationship always makes you feel bad! You don’t enjoy yourself when you are around this person. You feel like you can’t be yourself. You might feel like you have to walk on eggshells in order to keep things peaceful. You feel drained, negative about yourself, or controlled by them. You might feel like you always have to take care of this other person.
The “toxic” individual in the relationship will have some common behaviors to look for. These behaviors might include:
- They are negative about most things.
- They have a need to always be right and cannot admit when they are wrong.
- There will be lots of drama in their lives and they will always blame others for all of their problems. They will always be the victim in the story.
- They are critical, judgmental, manipulative, or needy. They need to be in control. It is all about them and rarely, if ever, about you.
- They expect more from others than they are willing to give.
- They judge others negatively in order to feel better about themselves, or to prove they are always right.
- They are disrespectful of your boundaries, wishes, or needs. They will always ask too much of you in the relationship. The focus is always on them.
- They need frequent attention or validation from you.
Are you beginning to see why these people are toxic to be around in a relationship? They really are no fun to be around! Worse than that, they can be detrimental to your mental health. They are draining and can cause you a great deal of stress. I have even heard clients say they feel as if they are crazy when they are in a toxic relationship.
The way these individuals treat you really has nothing to do with you. It is all about them. You are not doing anything wrong. Toxic people treat others negatively in an attempt to feel ok about themselves.
This does not mean it ok for them to treat you this way. You do deserve better.
What do you do if you find yourself in a toxic relationship? Sometimes the only answer is to end the relationship. Other times, you may not be able to end it or may not want to. You can learn to set boundaries that might improve the relationship. If you are single, these are some signs to look out for when dating in order to avoid becoming part of a toxic relationship.
I am always here to help. Feel free to reach out to me to schedule a complimentary strategy session.
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist