How would your life be different if you believed that a happy outcome was assured? How much time do you spend in life trying to force things into place to get the outcome you desire? Are you afraid that if you aren’t in control things will fall apart? Or are you so afraid that things will fall apart that you desperately try to make them work out by trying to control circumstances and others?
We all do this sometimes! If you are lucky it all works out but often this is a recipe for pain and frustration. How would life be different if you understood that you do have control of the ultimate outcome, your own happiness? The key is to focus on that outcome and not the specific details. A Course in Miracles says, “A happy outcome to all things is sure.” I know that can be hard to believe when you are in the middle of a situation where you cannot see a guaranteed happy outcome. This is especially true if you do not know the exact steps to get to that happy outcome. What would it take for you to surrender to the journey; unsure of how you will get there, but having faith that you will as long as you follow your heart and continue to move forward?
So often I see clients so desperate to control not only the outcome but all the details along the way, including the actions of other people. When it comes to relationships, this kind of desire for control often leads to behavior that has the opposite effect. Instead of attracting the right partner or drawing a partner closer, it attracts the wrong type of person or pushes the loved one away. We have no control over someone else’s choices. What we can have is influence in how things work out. This looks and feels very different than control. Control feels well, controlling! Who wants to feel controlled? Control does not create a happy loving relationship. Influence has a gentle, loving, accepting, and nurturing feel. This feels good because the motivation is to draw out the best in the other person, if they are willing and ready. If they are not, it doesn’t force the issue.
For singles, this shows up when they try to control when and how they will meet that special partner. They end up trying too hard or not trying at all because it isn’t happening according to their plan. How would it look if they went out into the world meeting as many people as they can knowing that their partner will show up at just the right time and will be just the right person for them?
For couples, so often they try so hard to control the other person and the situation only to find themselves frustrated while staying in a dysfunctional pattern of behavior. How would it look if they were able to focus on their own happiness while allowing their partner to find theirs? Remember, you are assured of a happy outcome in the end. It is the uncertainty of the process and the attachment to a specific outcome that can cause pain.
As a coach, I support clients by holding space for them to be and have all they desire. I do not tell them what steps to take or judge their journey. I might point out options for them to consider but the decisions are always theirs. I am there to support them along the way. Can you do the same with the circumstances in your life? Can you have faith in a happy outcome, knowing that when you get there, it might look different than you expected? Can you trust in the process and take one small step at a time, letting go of the fear? Trust yourself, trust life, trust your path, trust that all good is yours if you can just believe.
Affirm: A happy outcome is mine. I deserve happiness and am attracting it into my life. I am willing to move forward with ease. I deserve to feel good.
If you are struggling with this process, you are not alone and do not have to go through it alone. Reach out to schedule your free strategy session to discuss if working together might be an option.
https://calendly.com/loridavis013/30-minute-call
I am here to support you on your journey to happiness.
Lori Ann Davis, MA
Certified Relationship Coach