Online dating is one of the fastest and most efficient ways to meet people you might be compatible with. Millions of people are using it because it works. One in four marriages today start with online dating. I know it can be scary and daunting to think about navigating the world of online dating. You may have even tried it already, had a bad experience, and given up! We are talking about Radical Dating which means you are going to do some things that are outside of your comfort zone! Online dating might be one of those things.
I am here to tell you it can be done successfully and I can help you navigate the tricky online dating waters. I am an online dating success story. After 28 years of marriage, I became single. I was not interested in the bar scene and was unsure of how to go about meeting someone new. I worked at home, and all my friends at the time were married. Online dating seemed like the best option. I learned all I could to be successful and jumped in with both feet. I now work with singles every day in my coaching practice, and online dating is one of the tools I use to help them become a successful single.
When I first started working with my Radical Dating client, Wendy, she was hesitant about online dating. She had tried it before unsuccessfully, as many of you probably have. After going through the Radical Dating program, she is now using online dating as one of the tools in her toolbox and is successfully meeting quality men. How is she doing this? In this blog, I will give you some of the same tips she received that helped her go from a non-believer to a believer in online dating.
Why online dating
Most singles these days are busy with full active lives. Fitting in dating can be a challenge and finding ways to meet eligible men or women can seem too overwhelming. Online dating can be a great way to increase the number of single people you have access to. It can be an additional tool in the toolbox that doesn’t have to take up too much of your free time. You can easily start the process on your phone during your lunch break or after work while relaxing in your pj’s. It really broadens the horizon for who you can meet. It also allows you to meet other busy singles who are not out and about at events. You can fit in online dating while you are still attending new events and social gatherings. It allows you to have an email or two and a quick phone call before you even have to leave your house. You can get to know a little about the person before meeting them.
In Radical Dating, we talk about being the chooser. Online dating provides you with a lot of opportunities to do just that. It truly does expand your dating pool. Yes, you will come in contact with and have to sift through some people who are in no way potential partners. This is part of online dating. You might meet too many people who are not options, but you can also meet many who are possible ideal partners. Remember, you do get to sort through contacts at home in your pj’s. So why not give it a try?
One of the perils of online dating is the higher potential for disappointment. You spend time searching through all the gorgeous men or women and then none of them respond back, you get interest but not from the ones you are interested in, or you meet someone and they do not look like their picture. This can be disappointing but try to not to blame it all on online dating. You can go to an event to meet other singles and have the similar disappointments. Remember, online dating allows you to meet people you might never run into otherwise.
Like all aspects of dating, the best way to approach it is with the right attitude. Don’t take things too seriously. If your expectations are too high, you will be disappointed. The more disappointed you get, the more negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings come up. If you remember the Law of Attraction you know why it is important to stay away from the negative self-talk.
Go out with a positive attitude and an expectation that you will meet some people, get to know them, and choose whether you want more contact or not. Stay interested and enjoy the experience of connecting with others, even if they are not “the one”. Each person you meet that is not the right one for you, takes you closer to the one that is. You learn more about what you do want and get to practice any dating skills you might need to improve. And when you least expect it, you just might meet your partner.
- Break out of your comfort zone
If you are looking for new results, it takes new action and that means breaking out of your comfort zone. It means doing things you have not done before or doing them in a new way. Keep that in mind when you are considering online dating. If you aren’t already doing it, it is time to start. If you are doing it but aren’t having success, it is time to try a new site or get some help with your online dating profile and pictures, learn ways to maximize your efforts, and watch your thoughts. Don’t forget the Law of Attraction is working with you. You are drawing to you that which you focus on. Make sure you find a way to have a positive attitude and attract what you want.
- Represent yourself accurately
Have up to date pictures on you profile, and accurate information. You definitely want to present yourself in the best way you can but be honest. Make sure your pictures have a close up of your smiling face and a full body shot that is current. You are looking for someone who thinks you are amazing just the way you are.
- Know what you want
Take time to figure out what you really want from a relationship. Do you just want to date casually, or do you want to get married? Do you want children? The more clarity you have for yourself, the easier it will be to write a profile and sort through potential dates. The clearer you are about the kind of partner you are looking for, without being too picky, the more likely you are to find them.
- Keep it positive
Talk about what you do want. Stay away from what you don’t want. Negativity is a big turnoff and it only attracts more of that to you. Keep the focus positive in your profile and in your thoughts and words.
- What makes you special
This is the perfect opportunity to highlight what it is about you that makes you a great catch. Let people know something about your personality, your passions, your interests, talk up your strengths. If you aren’t sure what they are, ask your friends.
- Be proactive
Don’t just sit back and hope that the dating site will find the love of your life for you. Be proactive and reach out to people you find interesting. Don’t just look at the people the site matches you with. If the site allows, venture out and find your own matches to contact. Then reach out to them. All you are doing is getting on their radar. You want them to look at your profile and if they are interested, they will respond. Reach out be don’t be attached to the outcome. If they don’t respond, they probably weren’t the right match anyway. Just keep moving forward until you do meet the right one.
- Don’t let fear stop you
When I talk to singles, fear is one of the biggest issues that stops them from using online dating. Whether you are meeting someone online or in person, there is always some concern surrounding how honest the other person is being. Are they really who they claim to be?
My first piece of advice is to trust your instincts. If you have a funny feeling about the person, assume it might be for a good reason. It is always advisable to check the other person out and move slowly in the beginning.
You can start with a phone conversation and then meet at a place you feel comfortable and safe. Take things slow and get to know them. This is important no matter where you meet someone new.
Yes, there are some dishonest people out there, but most of the people are just like you, looking for love.
Radical Dating requires radical actions. It is time to add something new or do something in a different way. Maybe online dating is your next step. Remember you don’t have to go it alone, I am here to help you. Enjoy the journey!
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist